Author: Gloria Plunkett (Torrance, CA, USA)
Contact: gloria at studio7476 dot com
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Categories: [family]  [love]  [sadness]  [thankful]  

Dear Dad,

I keep dreaming about you a lot. I wake up at night wondering if, and hoping you’re there with me. I get scared, so I place my hand on the edge of the bed and imagine you’re there holding it. I wear your ring now. I hope you don’t mind. I wonder if you’re okay, and if you’re happy. I wonder what lies ahead for me when I die. I can’t stop thinking about your face on Tuesday. You looked so peaceful and happy to be free when you left us.

I’m having a hard time dealing with mom. I’m sorry for so many things I didn’t do or say or even realize while you were alive. I now understand how much of the burden you had come to bear for me. You gave me freedom. I wish I’d stuck up for you a lot more when people said things they shouldn’t have said. When they thought they knew things they really didn’t know. I’m sorry I let mom control what I thought about you for so many years. I’m sorry that she controlled what our whole family thought of you all these years. Because of that, they’ll never really know what an amazing person you were. Most of all I’m sorry I waited until the day you died to tell you I Love You.

I talked to Barbara. I was so relieved to hear that you talked to her about the things that were going on. I always worried that you just kept everything inside without telling anyone. I have a newfound respect for her and I thank you for bringing her to this earth because now I know that I’m not alone in my thoughts. My only regret is not calling her sooner.

So many things have gone through my mind. About you, about our relationship, about how much I’ve turned out more like you than mom and about how grateful I am for that. I can’t even begin to explain how proud I feel when people say I’m so much more like you than mom. Those words always make me feel like I’m part of you.

I can only hope that you knew how important you really were to me. I would have given anything for you not to be sick and for you to still be alive today.

You were my ally. You were my first best friend. You always knew what the right answer was. You always knew what to say to me. You always listened to me. You were so smart. You always knew the right thing to do. I wish the hugs after all our talks had never stopped. I don’t know why they ever did, and I’m so sorry for it now.

I’m honored to have been there with you when you left this earth. I can only hope that you heard what I said to you during your last few breaths. I hope I gave you what you wanted by letting you go before I called mom and Krystal into the room. I thought you deserved to go peacefully, exactly as you asked.

Thank you for showing me you were around on Wednesday. I saw the Beach Boys license plate, I heard the Beach Boys song, and I saw Sea Biscuit. Shawn saw the ‘57 Chevy both times. We revved the truck for you in front of the house. I know how much it drives mom crazy. I can’t help but picture you in the driveway with that big smile on your face, fists in the air, and even though it makes me laugh, it makes me miss you a thousand times more.

I love you dad. I can feel you here with me. I know you’ll never leave my side.

Love,

Me

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