PRELUDE:

10/5/99

I am 48 years old today. There will be a time - a reason - to start scribing in these pages. When that time comes, I thank you Robert for giving me these few 'leaves' of Saa* paper to put words to - they're about me - you - us, the world, here and beyond.

9/11/01 - New York City

I have no words. In only a few minutes, my life, all lives everywhere are changed forever. As an American, living in New York City, I am angry. On a more personal level, I feel violated.I want to run away, but I can't. I live in Manhattan.

The sirens have always been there, they mean something else now.

9/12/01

I went to work today, in a frozen daze - the horror unfolds. Thousand's missing. I'm okay, but in shock. Systems, internal and external, all compromised. And this is only the beginning.

9/13/01

Last night, we were rousted out of the building we live in; next door to the Empire State Building: running down the street, past Macy's, to Madison Square Garden, in my pajamas, with cat in pet carrier - bomb scare. Will I ever be happy again?

9/14/01

I'm glad it's Friday, the end of one of the worst weeks of my life. Parties planned for this weekend have been canceled. I should merely celebrate I'm alive and everyone around me has somehow miraculously escaped physical harm. I feel sad for those that didn't. I've never been the melancholy sort; how can this happen? How can we 'get on' with our lives? I need a new direction, some clarity!

Sirens continue, more frequent into the night. A day of mourning candles at 7pm.

12/9/01

And so, time has past. I live in a constant surreal 'state of being'. It's strange how synchronous my life has always been. That 'gut' feeling takes me there. I feel strangely cold and asleep now.

I read something from Fromm (no pun intended) today: "God is not experiencing; God is being - just knowing and filling one's life with 'stuff' is not God - the spiritual is being; not the knowing."

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