Author: Jessa (Pittsburgh, USA)
Contact: blisterbug at comcast dot net
Photo location: Cantabria, Spain
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Categories: [heaven]  [reflection]  [thankful]  

I dream in color. Water color to be precise. Everything is slightly blurred and a little fuzzy but the meaning is crystal clear. It's almost like not realizing you are falling until you have fallen.

Last September my husband and I decided to visit his family in Spain. Cantabria is a delicious blend of tradition and Westernization. Supermercados stand near grocery store giants which tower over them like a brooding parent. Horses and cattle stand tied to stakes in the ground in front of lavish homes. Beneath the Spanish tile and near the cool cement walls state of the art computers sit waiting for someone to explore the Internet. Indeed, the perfect place to decide whether or not your marriage is over. New and old mix and mingle but what you take home with you is your choice alone.

This little town, Langre, is one of the oldest in Cantabria. Only a few miles from Santander, a very large and modern city, sits this town in the shadows of the mountains.

I was married when I was 18. Less than a year later we had a baby, a new house, a new car and a dog (not a chocolate lab, however)... we were living what most would call the "American Dream." We were both the children of immigrants who came to this land and built fortunes from scratch. My family made its money in agriculture and animal husbandry, his in aviation. I continue to work for my father's bloodstock business, buying and selling shares in Thoroughbreds while my husband flies off to distant lands buying and selling airplanes. Two totally different backgrounds melted together to form a family.

Then one day we woke up and realized we had nothing. We were nothing, especially not kin. We were not a team, rather two people working separately for individual gains. True, we had many, many material possessions. There was no emotional attachment, no shared values. Eyes and hands wandered to try and fill the voids. Hearts were broken and so many tears were cried that our cheeks burned. Since the trip to Spain had already been finalized and paid for we went. When we took off from Philadelphia International Airport we both believed that when we landed our lawyers would pick us up and chauffer us off to new lives after a stop at divorce court.

Once we arrived in Madrid something changed. We were united, for little bit, even if it was only trying to get out of the airport alive. It took his racecar driver tactics and my sharp eye to get us out of the airport loop and onto the highway north headed for Santander. On the road we shared the scenery with squeals of glee and astonishment. He stopped and let me take pictures of ancient chapels and clouds over the mountains and the 20 foot high bull advertising brandy. We laughed at the small, efficient cars and how there were no houses, only towns. Nothing in Spain stands solitary. Everything is in a cluster.

No person is an island. Just as no house should stand alone with no neighbors for miles no man, woman or child should stand lonely. That's why the little towns in Spain are clustered together. Family and friends are always nearby. You never feel alone or lost or despaired because there is always a shoulder to lean on.

By the time we arrived in La Penilla, his family's home, we had spent the better part of 4 hours together. Not just in the same car, but together. What a foreign concept. I was welcomed by his aunts, uncles, cousins...so many strangers who could not even speak the same language I did but who hugged me and squeezed tight. I was part of the family.

For two weeks we enjoyed the sights, the food, spending time with people we may not see for years. On the morning we left for Madrid hugs and tears flowed freely from me as well as everyone else. I sat silent for the first three hours of the trip and finally said "I don't want to leave." My husband looked at me quizzically not realizing I did not want to leave him...us.

Sometimes you have to step back and take a look at things from a different view. Some problems have many solutions...after all there is more than one way to skin a cat. I grew up in Spain. I learned what family means. It is not your husband or your child or your uncle. It is a feeling. A sensation. Warm like jammies on a winter day. Soft like a plush velvet pillow. You feel full...more so than after an all you can eat buffet. Your purpose is revealed - to love and be loved.

Once I returned to Pittsburgh I hooked my digital camera up and unloaded almost 400 pictures. This one caught my eye from the beginning. My camera is cheap, it's old.

Sometimes it takes uncannily sharp pictures but in this particular moment it captured what was in my heart. The town of my dreams. The beginning and the end. I realized I had come full circle.

I have so many blessings in my life, so much to be thankful for everyday. I will never permit myself to forget that again. I must always remember and honor who I am and where I came from but who I am becoming and where I am going is important too. Equally as precious is who is on that road with me, holding my hand and standing next to me. I thank whoever or whatever showed me heaven that day. I look at this picture and I believe.

Other submissions by this author: :  Forever Friends  ::  My old Pennsylvania home  :

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